Weaving is an ancient art, practiced back in the Biblical era (see Exodus 35:35). It is a fine craft which usually yields fabric or cloth of some sort. Today, however, I bring you…
To commemorate my brother’s last day at home before returning to school, my sister and I took it upon ourselves to endeavor in weaving bacon, possibly the classiest and definitely the tastiest form of weaving in existence today. It is very a very simple process, documented below:
The first step is procuring bacon. I bought the cheapest kind I could find (who knew bacon was so expensive?!) but if you’re weaving for a classier occasion, feel free to splurge. Preheat your oven to 350-400ish.
Pose for several photos with your bacon. It needs to know that it is loved and in good hands.
This is my sister, who photographed this experiment.
Open your bacon.
Try not go get grossed out by its slippery slimy-ness. Don’t think about how it used to be a really cute baby animal.
Lay your bacon out in rows on a baking sheet. Then, fold every other strip in half.
Place another strip of bacon perpendicular to your rows, and then unfold the folded pieces so they cover that strip.
Next, fold down the other strips that were left out last time (this should still be every other piece).
Place a piece of bacon next to the other one, making it snug! Unfold the folded strips, and continue. Do this to the other half as well.
You have woven bacon! Look at how lovely that looks.
If you have one, transfer your bacon weave to a fancy pan that lets the gross grease drip down. This will help it get crispier and not make a mess in your oven.
Again, model with your bacon.
Put that woven bacon in the oven and bake it. Because bacon weaving is still an amateur trade, I had trouble finding baking instructions so I made my own up. I cooked it for about 30 minutes at 350°, then another 15 minutes at 400°. I would recommend baking it at a higher temperature right away, which would make it cook faster I believe.
When cooked to your preferred crispiness, remove the bacon and admire it. Oohs and aahs are appropriate.
Bask in your glory as a bacon weaver. Very few have reached this peak in life.
Eat your bacon! You deserve it after all that hard work.
I hope you enjoyed my bacon adventure as much as I did, and that you are inspired to try it yourself. Stay tuned for the first craft of the year, coming soon!